Davor Spills the Beans

Remember those writing assignments we had in school? This one, after 20 years of not doing it, is entitled My Worldview. I should hope for a C at least.


I am a kid born under socialism and have still not read the Bible, though I have three different versions, being a book collector. I took a Buddhism course at a US college. I think Protestants, Catholics and Orthodox issue is funny and deplorable. When it comes to Copts, it's downright bizzare. I would decree that church in Croatia be encouraged and confined to charity and saving souls; I have merely been baptised but I have a liking for Jesus. I find ritual degrading. I have a strong dislike for organised anything. There's a Croatian writer who quoted a German philosopher and they say one is warm among humans but it stinks. I like the aesthetics of this statement. I am against just about any government in the world and think they should do more. I like Assange. I think Hundertwasser is nutters for rag-designing his own shoes but I would hug him. When I meet priests, like this summer an English pastor, the conversation is lively and they give me books. I was given Jesus I Never Knew and myself recommended Body and Society in turn. I think my chief "deadly sins" are pride and lust. I am familiar with every fifth line of every prayer there is. I like the nun-Batman jokes. I have had this inscription above my door for some 10 years now: He blindeth their eyes lest they should see. When I was young, I used to let Jehovah's Witnesses in, offer coffee and debate. Now I'm getting older and think more in terms of profound little experiences in art. I would never declare myself an artist but I think I'm one. You can beat me with a stick but if I think your painting is ugly, that's what it is. I don't know that much about painting. I don't like many people to do art. I don't like people with no interest in art. I find epigrams that say it's great to hear the melody of children's voices when you don't understand them hilarious. I like to talk seriously to children and I can eat more ice-cream than they themselves. They should be discouraged to smoke but I don't like someone telling me I shouldn't smoke. I think the greatest art is creation of optimism. I don't particularly feel I should do anything. I dislike when people are late and am punctual myself. I tease my friends and laugh at my own jokes. I adore dogs and cats. I don't like zoos. I think Jains are beyond but admire them. I find meaning the greatest gift but I reach for the bottle. I think pretty people are sacred. I also like intelligent people. I'm not that much a car fan and find TV car shows perplexing. I like when I'm surprised though not scared, as in amusement parks. I find dancers an entirely different aetherial breed. I find newspapers boring. I like water. I am perfectly fine with my partner being an expert in cows or airplanes. I condone pornography though I cannot rationally win. I think the most horrible thing to do is hurt someone. I think it's obvious when they're not enjoying themselves. I admire writers who don't accept prizes. I think the episode with Andrić being terminally ill and exclaiming 'This is horrible!' looking at stars is scary and thrilling. I'm beginning to dislike mobile phones. I like to overspend on things like dinners and ballet. I like little sculptures and jewellery. I'm a language snob. I like to cross-examine somebody who's very good at something and has done it for 20 years now. I like writing assignments like this one, but not when I'm told. I mean I can do them when I'm told, but they're better when I play. I don't believe in anonymity. I think one letter a day is wonderful. I think most would find this strange and basically disagree with Foucault on the issue of "problematization." I think tourists are lazy and loud. I think debate clubs are frontal lobotomy. I think journalists are undereducated. I could shop all day. I like when someone already knows me.